I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
