I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
