I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
