You smell like stripper and shame
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
