I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
