There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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