New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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