to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Farmville is her only friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
