Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
