i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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