omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
