my mouth tastes like poor choices
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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