I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
