Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
