i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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