I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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