mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
