I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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