i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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