hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize