God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize