i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
