Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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