Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
