I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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