Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
