hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
