he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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