I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
