you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
