I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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