i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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