Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love you. Go after that dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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