kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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