respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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