Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
