we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
