Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize