It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
