Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
