youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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