do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
