I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
