Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
