dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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