Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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