I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
