Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
