Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
