we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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