I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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