just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
