She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
