dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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