i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
