i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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