why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
