quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
