Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
