thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
