There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
