i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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