thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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