You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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