I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
