I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
