Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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