you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
